Steminist Blog

My Academic Journey

Guest Blogger: Dr. Chaitali Chakraborty

I am Dr. Chaitali Chakraborty and I belong to the land where gaining knowledge is supposed to be the most important task of life.

I grew up a precious daughter to my father, who wanted to cushion his child from all the adversities of the world. He never had any ambition for me. My mother did not know what to do with me but she knew that I must study in an English medium school because she did not want me to suffer the way she did every time she faced the colleague’s wife in her husband’s office parties. While my father wanted me to play and be happy along with my studies in my childhood, my mother focused all her attention on my good grades, dance and music classes. In her attempt to do so, the first thing she did was change me from a left-handed writer to a right-handed one because, naturally, mothers know everything. She might have succeeded in her mission but I was left with a permanent lag between the working of my brain and putting thoughts down on paper.

In school, I was never an exceptional student but intelligent enough to glide through exams. My parents played a great role in those years. My father, a PhD in Chemistry himself, was my real teacher – my guru. My mother looked after my maths until fifth standard. As I got promoted to my high school, my parents started dreaming of my being a medical practitioner since I would secure 99% in Life sciences, albeit due to my mother’s thrashing and rote learning.

I followed my father blindly, like a shadow. It was not because he was a wonderful man at heart but because of his way of teaching me every subject, starting from English, through to Chemistry – the special subject. He helped me understand any grammar with ease, visualise geography and history, and with utmost poetry, the way atoms reacted to form a plethora of compounds.

In class 9, I opted for Additional Mathematics, against my parents’ wishes, versus Biology (their favourite). For the first time I revolted against my beloved father and asked him to get me a good mathematics teacher for private tuitions. I won the war and in my board exam for class 10, I secured maximum marks in Mathematics. However, I could not hold the front and had to take up Biology as my fourth subject in my higher secondary. I succeeded to pass my higher secondaries but not with flying colours.

I managed to get admission in Presidency College with Honours in Chemistry. My parents lost interest in me because I did not go for MBBS. What hurt me the most was that my father never sat with me to discuss chemistry any more and I was left in the sea of knowledge all alone. I did not give up hope and fought my own war. As I struggled, one day my father visited my college and asked my professor, who happened to be (father’s former student, to ask me to drop the coming exams and reappear next year. My good professor said no to it. When I came to know about it, I told him that I would rather fail than drop the forthcoming exams. I finally graduated with a first class.

I was to move with my family when my father got his new posting in Pune, and continue my studies for a Master’s degree. When I found out that my parents had secretly planned to get me married, the distance between us increased further. So even though I could not find the subjects of my choice, as consolation, I opted to study in the college where my father had studied as a student while my parents left for Pune. My college days were a friendless hell, complete with bullying from others for being the sole student from South Point school and Presidency College, both prestigious institutions. The rest of my college friends had left for the coveted IITs for their Masters. I was never allowed to opt for such things while I was away from home.

I’ve never been one to cope well with compromise. When I graduated my Masters In 2001 with a second division in my marksheet, I appeared for NET exams (Chemical Sciences) and qualified for research fellowships. My aim was to go to the US and proceed likewise. I shifted to Pune where my parents had arranged for classes for GRE and TOEFL training. After 6 months I appeared for GRE and TOEFL. When I went to my parents with my scores to apply to various universities in the US, I was told that they had no money for that. They did, however, have all the money to spend on my wedding, for which I never had any intention or interest at that time. I realised that my time has been wasted, but I was not one to be kept away from my dream anymore, even by my mother’s beating. I joined the National Chemical Laboratory as a Project Assistant. Within a year, I could manage a position as a research student in a renowned laboratory: the Chemistry Department, Pune University.

Until now, it was fighting on the home front. Now, the external world was waiting for me with gloves on. At every stage, I was made to realise that a research field was not the place for a woman. In fact, the women’s hostel male warden believed that women who could not be married within the “right” age were enrolled here for higher studies. My work was not important. When I finally said yes to marrying an Indian Army medical officer, the tables turned. Respect for this woman was raining down from every quarter - starting from my research guide to the guard at the gate of women’s hostel.

I called an end to my research career. Within a year or two I knew that my marriage was also not respectful. After a few years, to survive, I completed my B.Ed and took up the job as an assistant teacher of chemistry in a school.

All I wanted was to be a small scientist. I still carry that dream in my heart. Maybe one day, I can come back to academia again, with dignity and respect.